Balancing teacher and mom while homeschooling doesn’t mean the rise of angry mom is inevitable.
Learn how to be a better mom and identify frustration triggers to avoid yelling during your homeschooling day
Let’s take a deep dive into what leads moms to raise their voice and when a teacher voice is appropriate. We will also look at a 12-step process to overcome the moments after yelling, and how to alleviate some of the stressors causing moms to become overwhelmed and have less patience than they would like to admit.
The best companies, brands or school start each year based on the goals they planned. Because a goal without a plan is just words. Making a plan to be the best teacher and mom to your homeschool classroom is a daily commitment that requires work, patience and understanding for your students AND yourself.
In this article I want to give you the steps to achieve your goal of home education, and eliminate many of the triggers that lead to frustration and yelling.
Why do moms yell?
We don’t mean to. We really don’t. But there are so many jobs, pressures and tasks competing for attention that we get overwhelmed. To end the overwhelming, moms need to stop thinking of themselves as inadequate, and that you are a capable teacher (yes, you need to think of and call yourself a teacher) then you will see your mindset shift from I can’t to I can do this.
According to USA Today explains how our current society is moving towards a house of yellers in an article they liked to call “Stressors Trigger a Nation of Yellers”. With 88% of parents admitting to yelling, and a (100% when 7 year old’s are in the house) parents are actually in a pivotal moment with homeschooling to instill a love of learning without letting stress triggers overflow into yelling. As a homeschool mom you have a beautiful opportunity to display godly character, peace, good vibes or whatever you want to call being a decent human.
The top stress triggers that lead to raising your voice while teaching
The moment teachers and moms start raising their voice may begin with good intentions, such as getting a noisy group to listen to instruction. But a quick attention getter turns into yelling when it comes from a place of frustration. In fact, yelling is actually a method to display dominance or even control another person. At parents it is our job to keep our kids in line, but to what extent? Before you starting raising your voice and blame it on your kids not listening, take a moment to step back ask yourself if any of the following stress triggers are the cause.
- messy house
- kids not listening
- students that don’t grasp the lesson as quickly as we want them to
- behind in our schedule
- running late
- last minute appointments
- feeling overwhelmed for any reason
- too many chores…too little time
- lessons that aren’t fully prepared
- supplies can’t be found
- littler kids needing help
- older students needing help or complaining of the noise
How can I stop feeling guilty for yelling at my child?
Aside from the obvious, well just stop yelling, there is so much more than that snippy response. But it’s actually more about you (the parent) and less about the child. You need to see what triggers you to start yelling and work on your response by first being aware that you are doing it. Then you can work on reducing the triggers. If running late or always being behind schedule is something you constantly are battling, the problem is that are you overloaded, and have high expectations that need adjusting. Expand your allowed time slots, learn to let go of some to-do list items, or DELEGATE. Moms struggle big time with guilt of expecting too much from their kids, and pile more on themselves. But healthy responsibility is actually how you will help your kids adjust better to the “real world”. So don’t be afraid to delegate appropriate chores for your kids ages. But most importantly, don’t feel bad for opting for quick or easy if it means freeing you up for other task. If quick snacks, or meals are going to get you back on schedule and yelling less, than DO IT.
Why setting a routine is better than a schedule – especially for the overwhelmed mom or teacher
Routines are part of life. There’s no getting around them. Schedules however, are what you have control over. A routine is something you naturally do such as you wake up, you eat, work and so on. A schedule however is when you time block your tasks to make sure you achieve stuff. For example, your work schedule is a hour block of time that you will be away from home because you’ve made a commitment to give that time to your job. A schedule can also be a doctor appointment or a set time for a task such as pick up or drop off.
Schools run on strict schedules because they believe regimen is important when caring for so many children. However, when you start homeschooling it’s far more important to establish a routine because a schedule at home is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Schedules are not bad, but they limit flexibility which is something you have to have when homeschooling. Let me show you a comparison of a morning routine versus morning schedule.
Here are 2 examples of what you may start your school year off with as expectations, but only to find example 2 as the reality of what staying home stress triggers are causing moms to yell.
|Example 1||Example 2|
|7:00 AM Wake up, get dressed, shower etc…||Wake up and do morning rituals for mom|
|8:00 AM Make breakfast||Breakfast – prepare + cleanup|
|9:00 AM Eat, clean up||Morning meeting to start school|
|9:30 AM Morning school meeting||Appointment|
|10:00 AM Disperses for classes||Appointment|
|12:00 Lunch||Grab lunch on way home|
Now when lunch time rolls around you can see the difference in expectation versus reality when you create and schedule (example 1) and when you have a routine (example 2). See how schedules make moms feel like they are behind schedule and failing? Strict schedules are good to have, but they can be tricky to overcome when deviations arise, making mom guilt REAL. So before you set yourself up for failure and feel like you are constantly behind and inadequate lets learn how to plan our routine, which is NOT the case, try to create a routine in your day with some sprinkles of scheduled slots. Remember we want to have goals and plan those goals but we want to remain flexible because life happens in between.
Here is a great 12-step process with questions to ask yourself to ensure you are making the best decision for your household so you can avoid the yelling.
The 12 step process to homeschooling without yelling
- Identify your triggers
- Accept that frustration happens
- Take a minute – Tell your kids “I need a minute or I’m gonna start yelling and I don’t want to do that”
- Apologize for any yelling, yes apologize to your kids
- Calmly explain why you frustrated
- Relay your expectations
- Correct the trigger without yelling
- Remind yourself and kids it’s okay to get frustrated
- Teach how frustration is an opportunity to communicate
- Ask if the kids could have helped the situation
- Bring the mood back up with hugs, smiles or coffee – just get smiling again
- Try again with a clean page
Let’s deep dive these steps so you can skip the mom guilt, and start homeschooling in a way that kids are happy to be home with you as their teacher
1 – the triggers earlier mentioned are so you can see just a few of the many things moms are juggling. Making it easy to see why she may be stressed or on edge
2 – Yes, the moment happened. Just accept it and learn to let it go.
3- You have to communicate that you are overwhelmed, frustrated or not in a good place. Not just for your sake, but to teach your kids how to use their words and communicate to you.
4 – Apologizing to your kids is a healthy thing to do. It show them you are not perfect, but are willing to own up to your mistakes. A great lesson to model, as hard as it may feel in the moment to teach.
5 – Pinpointing what “set you off” is harder to do than you may think. But again, the ability to communicate the heart of the issue is something you are displaying everyday as mom and teacher.
6 – Share in a calm manner what you expect. Again. And again. And Again. Because kids don’t listen. But you are showing them how to deal with their frustrations and teaching how to be better.
7 – Address and correct what triggered the yelling response. Be brutally honest, no mean. So they understand the level of serious you are trying to teach in the situation.
8 – Remember, we are all humans. We all get hungry, overwhelmed or whatever led to this point. But that is NOT an excuse to scream.
9 – Reiterate the value of communication
10 – Put it the ball back in your kids court by asking if they were fueling the situation. You’d be surprised how often kids know what they did wrong and willing to fess up once they know mom is done yelling.
11 – Get everyone smiling again by reminding them that we are not going to dwell in anger. Litterally play “Let it Go” if that is what get the household vibes happy again.
12 – Clean slate means no dragging the past into the new page or moment. Take this step serious.
Take back your classroom without becoming the yelling teacher
Learning can only grow in a nurturing environment. As a teacher you have a powerful, but hard job to do. Give yourself some slack when you are overwhelmed and showing signs of cracking. You can avoid meltdowns and yelling by checking in with yourself, being honest with where you at, and COMMUNICATING your needs.
Remember, your kids are looking to you for how to respond. Don’t try to be perfect and hide any flaws because kids will make mistakes and have little knowledge for how to respond.
Take back your classroom’s environment and avoid angry mom by following a routine, not a schedule, that avoid stress triggers and reduces the amount of yelling. Take some pressure off yourself momma, and let your beautiful, imperfect self shine bright. ‘Cause I can guarantee you this, you are NOT the only hot mess momms out there.